Don't Start a Band

While I hate to reference Reel Big Fish lyrics, I think they really hit the nail on the head when they warned us "Don't Start a Band". Rock and roll is bullshit.

I'm in a rock band. I know from experience.

First of all, we're quitting. It's probably for the best, though I'll miss some things about it, mostly collaborating with good friends.

There are surely some things I won't miss about it, like "getting the privilege" to entertain people for free and getting upstaged by bands that can't play their instruments but make up for it by sounding like a more popular band and having super cool hair. ======================================>

For example, most people think that rock bands go on tour, and its all booze, delicious tour rider food, rocking out, and making a boatload of cash.

Most people are, unfortunately, wrong.

Case in point: Do you see that fat wad of cash in the prosperous rock and roller's hand? Good for you. I'll bet you don't know that he never saw a dime (well, one time the band went to Wendy's on "the band's" dime, so to speak). It all went back in the gas tank.

Also, that night, he and his lucky compatriots "rocked out" by getting upstaged by an awful local frat-boy reggae band. Then they "totally f'ing partied" by eating said reggae band's left-over pizza (thanks mom of band members) and sleeping on the concrete floor of the venue. The next morning they got up at 7am and drove for 4 hours through the desert (without air-conditioning) to play another show. They probably get compensated to the tune of $20 each night (if that). 4 or 5 people may have bought something, half of whom probably tried to haggle for a lower price on CDs or shirts. So that's something like $60 dollars in two days. KICK ASS!!!

Point is, most of the time, being on tour is more like this: (image: brainfuel.tv)









Don't get me wrong, I'm not just "in it for the money", its just that the whole rock/pop music scene is a giant snow-job (or load of bullshit, which every suits your fancy) that gets pulled on artists and consumers. The best band in the world is out there and, no, you will never hear them. Really.


Record companies are interested only in the bottom line, they are not evil. It is just the nature of business to be interested money. Despite what MTV would have you believe, hip youngsters are not the taste makers. The real taste makers are shrewd old business men. I mean how hip does this guy look (image: USA Today)

Anyway I'd rather play "old people" music and be treated well than "fight the motherfuckin' power xXpunkXrawkXx!!!" and get treated like a fucking bum.

I'm going to play jazz and other esoteric stuff and snicker with my pretentious friends when people "don't get it". Its really a lot more fun than begging people to let you sleep on their floors every night for a month, and it pays better too.

Anyway, buy shit from independent artists. Don't buy music that sucks, even as a gift for your tasteless friends.

Also, go ahead and post incoherent rants on your blog about music and the music industry. Make sure to let the Internet know why you're an embittered 20-something former rock and roller. Nobody reads this shit anyhow.

With Vitriol,
Worthless Pseudonym